Ongaku to Hito 10, 2005

KEN LLOYD Interview

text by Kanemitsu Hirofumi

date 2005 08 19

-Interviewer: Well, this time, it turned out to be like this.

Ken: Yeah. But you weren’t so surprised when you heard the news, were you?

-I: No, I wasn’t… but if you were to ask me whether this was a good decision for both of you, my opinion is that this is not a good outcome.

Ken: Well then, I will be asking the questions today!

-I: …hold on there for a sec.

K: What would you consider as the best outcome? I am a bit interested.

-I: I would think that you must have had various thoughts on INORAN, but I was anticipating that both of you would carefully look for where you guys let it slip, and then to say “There, let’s do this (FAKE?) well one more time.” That’s how I felt.

K: I see.

-I: That seemed like the most appropriate thing to do, and I also thought something good could be created after overcoming the crisis.

K: I see. Thank you.

-I: That’s it? (laughs)

K: Hahaha! But as a result of our discussion, this is what has been decided on.

-I: So how do you feel?

K: Probably not how everyone is thinking I would feel, I would think.

-I: What do you think everyone is thinking?

K: That I would be disappointed, or that I would be sad.

-I: What are your own thoughts?

K: I am already looking into what is to come. I don’t want to talk definitely about it yet, but during my three years in FAKE? there were things we could do and there were things we couldn’t do. Among the things that we couldn’t do, things that I wanted to do but INORAN didn’t want to do, and, in reverse, things that I didn’t want to do but INORAN wanted to do, were also included. So from now on, I will lead FAKE? to where both us have envisioned it.

-I: But FAKE? was good as such band, wasn’t it?

K: But as each other’s point of view began to change, being forced into doing that was not the healthiest way. If we end up doing it in such way, there will be compromises somewhere. But I don’t want to compromise. INORAN doesn’t want to, either. There isn’t a single reason to do things that we don’t believe in. Especially since we have come to confront these problems, an outcome such as this one came to be…

-I: That gap was a musical one.

K: Yeah. Well, but differences in lifestyle values might be more accurate. Since both of us always have had a broad scope when it came to music. Point of views at the time we decided to start FAKE? Things such as, how do we envision this band? Not only the aspects that we show externally, but the ways we use time in the rear. I think it was difference in our sense of values that arose from those areas.

-I: You are saying that the ways each of you view the thing you guys are leading together, called FAKE?, were different?

K: Yes. But such gaps in our point of views aren’t something that occurred just now. The hiatus, during when we transferred to another recording company, provided the time that enabled such gaps in our values to develop. So if we continued working during that time, it might not have turned out to be like this. But anyhow, I can only say “it might not have.” Even so, during that time, both of us thought a lot about what we wanted to do with not only music but also with our lives. Because by himself INORAN must have been thinking that he would bring his 100% out in FAKE?, I have no intention of denying that.

-I: I have no intention of making any fuss about that, either.

K: Right.

-I: But still, I just feel like saying “Even so…”

K: Yeah.

-I: Well, after OBLIVION DUST disbanded, you were a man who even thought about becoming an office worker until you started FAKE?

K: Yeah I was. I wasn’t sure whether I should continue making music or not.

-I: You even got a job, right?

K: Yes… Wait, I didn’t, I didn’t! I just blurted the answer out without thinking, I was listening carelessly! (laughs)

-I: Listen carefully (laughs). During that period, you even went as far as thinking about getting another job, didn’t you?

K: Yes.

-I: It was this band called FAKE? that brought you back to music, right?

K: Yes. I was strongly attracted to it.

-I: And it was, in other words, the presence of INORAN.

K: That’s right.

-I: Nevertheless, now, three years since the formation of the band, what are your thoughts on you choosing this conclusion yourself?

K: There were no regrets, nor any failures. It is good the way it is. During the beginnings of FAKE? there were only two people. Those were INORAN and me. Then, there were supporting members. But during our course, we steadily became a band, and it was also that even if a member left the band, FAKE? was to be FAKE? as it was. That was what was talked about ever since the early stages of FAKE? Therefore, it is only that it really turned out to be like that.

-I: Yes.

K: For example, I thought that even if two of us decide to leave the band, if the people who are in the band during that time want to continue the band, the band should continue. I thought if FAKE? can exist, that will be enough. Such point of view is important, and it is actually not so important who are in FAKE?

-I: And you are saying that now you will be doing that, right? That you will be continuing even by yourself.

K: Yes. My point of views towards FAKE? has not changed since the formation of FAKE? The direction I want to take it to also has not changed, and what course should I take and what kind of band will it become; all these things didn’t even change a bit. Therefore I have never thought that the paths I have taken up till now are any misdirected fumblings, and there are no areas where I regret not having done better. So it is just the flow of nature.

-I: Yes, that is naturally so because it is a band, but after all, when you first started FAKE? didn’t your tension rise up to the level where you thought it would be alright even if you couldn’t sing anymore?

K: Yes, so when it was decided to form FAKE? I clearly felt that I was indeed a being of this world. It became very certain.

-I: I see.

K: In my mind, I think that I was born as a vocalist in OBLIVION DUST. I learned about being a vocalist. It was only that when I was in OBLIVION DUST, I was able to write music but I wasn’t able to create sounds. But during the past three years in FAKE? I have been studying not only being a vocalist but also creating sounds. When I was in Oburi, KAZ concentrated on sounds, so I focused on the melody and lyrics and entrusted sounds to KAZ. But in FAKE?, as I made comments and questions such as, “Wow, I like this sound,” “I want it to be this way,” and “What should I do if I want this kind of sound to come out?” that changed to creating music while discussing it with various members and staffs. As the result, [THE ART OF LOSING TOUCH] was created. That album really reflects my world to a great degree. There is no doubt that I was born as a vocalist in Oburi and that, while I worked with INORAN in FAKE?, I was born as a musician.

-I: It was your ego as a musician.

K: Right. That means that the next step is expressing myself as the musician. As a means of doing that, I have been gathering know-hows and tools of how to reflect the things that I hold inside me. It took me nine years (laughs). Anyhow, I finally found myself as a musician. This time, I need to think about how to show that to the world. If I do that, how can that not be… something very positive?

-I: Your ego as a musician has become very strong and you also have confidence; confidence that you can do it well in your own ways.

K: Yes. I was able to write music ever since I was little. But I didn’t know how to color the music I wrote. I also didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t know the equipments, either. Honestly speaking, I don’t know the equipments that well even now, but I can explain what kind of sounds I want. I don’t really have the desire to learn about the equipments. Things like, “The latest model of this and that gives out the best vibrato!” I don’t know about those that well. So I entrust that to somebody else, but I know the ways to get to where I want to be. Without a doubt, this past nine years, I have no regret at all about Oburi and FAKE? I have always been maturing. Tremendously.

-I: Yes.

K: Even if there were failures, I am confident that I can surely turn that failure into a plus. I have never stopped and I have no intention to stop. I am leading a very good life.

-I: Good life?

K: Yes. It is never a lucky one. It is not a fortunate path, but I am leading a life that is good at least to my standards.

-I: Are you saying that you have been able to come across many valuable things?

K: No, not only that. I am leading a very good life. It might not be a good life for those who think that not having any painful thoughts is a good life because I had many rough times. But I think that because you undergo pain, you are able to mature. Moreover, isn’t a life without any difficulties just too dull?

-I: I guess you are right, but wasn’t making a decision such as this one still heartrending* for you? (*the interviewer used the word danchoo no omoi, meaning a pain that cuts through one’s intestines. It seems Ken does not understand the meaning of this word.)

K: ……?

-I: How can I explain the meaning of heartrending (danchoo no omoi). (laughs) What I am trying to say is, wasn’t making a decision to lead FAKE? by yourself a very painful decision? Didn’t it feel too heavy?

K: I have been hearing that from everybody. People tell me, “If I were KEN I would be so worried I wouldn’t know what to do.” But I don’t understand why they think that.

-I: You never thought it felt heavy?

K: But I am just doing what I love. I never thought it was painful. What’s painful is rather the fact that we are not facing the same direction.

-I: The very first time I met you, you were with INORAN. It was at a hallway of Yokohama Arena. You guys were squatting down side by side.

K: Yes, yes. it was during LUNA SEA’s live.

-I: Before you guys created music together, before you guys started a band together, you two were very close friends. How do you feel about the fact that you guys had such a close relationship but you started the band together and now this subtle gap developed between you two and you are to be separated from each other?

K: Well… From the very beginning, from the start of Oburi as well, I have been saying this often: “In every human relationship, there always comes a time to part from each other.” It is because, no matter how close they were to each other, during the course of life, there always comes a time for everyone to set out on his journey.

-I: Yes, that’s right.

K: I don’t wish to be seen as if I am looking backward or as if I am regretting anything, but I still think being with INORAN in FAKE? is the best. I greatly enjoyed the times I spent with INORAN as friends before we started FAKE? But after we started FAKE?, there arose something that transcended the relationship of friends. Creating something together means going very deeply into each other’s heart. For these three years we have been deeply close, and I have learned so much about so many things from INORAN. So I never want to forget these three years. For the rest of my life.

-I: I see.

K: That has become what is most precious to me. But since it has come to take this form, I have to move forward to the next step, right? I have to reset everything. I think continuing FAKE? means carrying on INORAN’s spirit in FAKE? It will be carried on through me. So it is not that because INORAN is leaving, it is going to end here. If I write a song, I will go to INORAN to play it for him and I will ask what he thinks about it. This is not the end. Moreover, in order to move forward to the next step, I have to take the time that is necessary.

-I: That is so.

K: But truly… how can I say this… I really don’t want to be saying these stuffs, but I was very happy. I really enjoyed it. Even when we had conflicts, at that time I didn’t like it but if I think back on it now, there are also parts that turned into pluses.

-I: I think that must be the same for INORAN as well.

K: I assume that INORAN doesn’t think that the moment he leaves FAKE? he will be saying goodbye to FAKE?, either. People have to set out on their journey someday. If I were to make a simple comparison, my life would be like a bus.

-I: A bus?

K: Yes. Basically, anybody can get on the bus. My bus, that is. It is like saying “I will take everyone on board.” Amongst all that, INORAN was the person who sat on the VIP chair. If there were people who were standee, I told some people to stay put and don’t move beyond that area (laughs), and to some people I told them that it was okay for them to sit here. I sometimes refused to let some people get on the bus, too. But INORAN was a person who even drove my bus at times (laughs). But whoever it is, someday, there will come a time for them to get off from the bus. That might be a part of me that is different from most people, since I came to a country that is not my own and living there. Someday they will get off from my bus, but somebody else will get on the bus in their place. Therefore I never think about such things as being together forever. But INORAN is… when I am old, the bus will reach its goal line, right? When that time comes, I will recall the faces of those people who have been on my bus, and INORAN will be the very first person to come to my mind. That’s what I think.

-I: As a person who doesn’t know anything about what circumstances you guys are in, I keep thinking that it will be better not to leave the band and continue on.

K: ……

-I: Have you ever thought that if you would continue FAKE? together in these circumstances, your relationship as friends might have become sour?

K: There were such times. There were. Well… During the time we made [MADE WITH AIR], the atmosphere was a bit different. It wasn’t that bad at all, but compared to how it had been before, I knew that there existed a clear gap between us. We wrote songs separately and stuff. So I thought that if we were to move forward as a band in this condition, we might gradually become headed towards the wrong direction. It was definitely not the best atmosphere to be in. I never felt that I didn’t want to go to the recording studio or anything like that, but I can’t say it was easy.

-I: Are you saying that more than continuing the band, you didn’t want to destroy the good relationship you guys had?

K: Because we are friends. Although right now he is getting off from my bus, I want him to get on board again someday. If we continue on in this atmosphere, we might be heading towards the wrong direction not as a band but as friends. If there is any slight possibility of that, I don’t want to take such risks. We might not be heading towards that direction at all since it is not that we had any big arguments. But if we try to conform to each other’s thoughts, its negative effect will be felt from somewhere. If we continue on that way, don’t you think we will gradually feel pressured?

-I: It is a matter of protecting either your relationship as friends or your relationship as two people working together in a band.

K: The important point is, I don’t see any reason to continue making music by going as far as running the risk of losing a friend. That was one of the areas that concerned me when we began FAKE? I worried that us working together might hurt our relationship and that we might end up finding in each other the parts that we don’t like. Now, such concerns turned into realities, although very slightly. Some people might think that it isn’t such a big deal, but to me it is a big deal. I don’t want to go as far as forcing it through. Music is an extremely important thing and there are a lot of things that can be turned into pluses through music, but I won’t do music at the risk of losing a friend. Music is not a gamble. I don’t want to create music if it involves such gambling. I will rather choose to be left all alone than to hurt the things I hold dear.

-I: Just what I would expect you to say.

K: Yes. I think being an only child might also work as a factor in this. During my childhood in England… my parents both went to work, so throughout the time they were at their work, I was at home by myself, and even when I lived in a dorm, I was the only one who was mixed… It is basically because I often spent the time alone. From the age of ten, I lived in dorms for about eight years and after that I came to Japan by myself. Therefore ever since when I was little, I was not sure about things such as how far could I trust a person. I feel that way about my future stay in Japan, too. I didn’t come to Japan to continue living here. So what I say about INORAN leaving the band might sound rather dry. But I don’t intend to settle in this country.

-I: Okay.

K: I honestly didn’t think that I would still be staying in Japan until I was 29. So, no matter which way we decide to go, we have to part from each other in due course. It seems like in having such point of views I am a bit different from everyone.

-I: I see. Your point of views must have played a big part in bringing about the conclusion this time.

K: Well, there is no doubt that things such as my way of living life or my outlook on life influenced what went on this time to some degree. So it is really cruel to, after reading about the leave on the official website, think that INORAN was leaving in order to be in other band. I really hate seeing INORAN being blamed for this.

-I: It is different from the truth.

K: It is really just due to a difference in our point of views. It is sad that things have turned out this way, but this is what is best for both of us.

-I: It is… heartrending.

K: But we didn’t start the band just because we were friends. When we started FAKE? I thought we were going to make songs that were quiet. When we were talking about starting a band together, the very first song I handed over was a slow song. It was a song called <DREAMLIFE*>. (*KEN didn’t mention 6:13). I thought that was INORAN’s strong point and nobody else in Japan can play guitar like that. He plays from his heart and you can really feel the sorrow. There are hardly any people who can play like that. Because I had been doing heavy songs in Oburi, I was little tired of it, so I didn’t want to do things where I would be shouting throughout the song. As a vocalist I had become matured enough to want to go beyond that. But the song INORAN brought was <SOMEDAY>. So we got to talking about if he really wanted to do songs like that (laughs). It is certain that, at that time, both of us were drawn to each other’s previous work.

-I: So you are saying that each of you guys thought “his strong point is this!”

K: Yeah. We said that it was because we were different and we were yet to think it was awesome or anything like that. But there was a great excitement and we decided we would do it. We could do both, so we were to do both; we were to do everything! If INORAN wanted to do a certain type of music, we were going to do it. If I wanted to do a certain type of music, we were going to do it. We started with such mind-set.

-I: You guys decided to do that because you had trust in each other?

K: Yes. So the first two albums include songs that are very diverse. Most of all, the two albums were for finding out what we wanted to do and what we were able to do. For each of us, it was different from the image we first had in mind, but once we started working we thought, “Hey, this is really good.” I can say that during that process, I found myself. It was not choosing one path after making various options available, but rather, amidst the number of paths I had put together, I was able to find what I was looking for.

-I: That was [THE ART OF LOSING TOUCH], right?

K: Right. That album was made with a mind-set that, in purely musical sense, it had everything. But still, I think I can improve on the things that I was able to do in that album, and from now on I want to go in that direction. I have found where I want to go.

-I: And you want to accomplish that by yourself.

K: As I have said before, I found out that there are things that only I can do.

-I: When you quit the band before, didn’t you even think that you were going to stop singing? I guess you don’t feel that way anymore.

K: Yes. That completely changed in [~LOSING TOUCH]. It was changed and in the interviews I had during that time… there were parts where I tried to convey something to INORAN. It was like that in lyrics as well. There were parts that originated from my wish to convey something to him.

-I: What kind of things did you want to convey to him?

K: It is not different from what I have been saying just now. That there are things that only INORAN and I can do, only in here.

-I: So you wanted to tell him “Let’s do those together.” To INORAN.

K: Yes… It is a real simple thing. After all, I think it is extremely difficult and dangerous to force such resolute people. That is definitely not helpful. For people who have their own separate paths in their way of living as well as in their way of thinking. But nevertheless… it is still regrettable. This is not a complaint. It was just a small gap. But that small gap was immense.

-I: I am asking you to please keep on writing music and to continue the band.

K: It feels as if you are my dad (laughs).

-I: At least call me older brother!

K: Ahaha.

-I: It is because I want to listen to your sound. You think that fans must feel the same way, right?

K: You’re right. If anybody asks me if I have displayed my abilities to the full so far, I feel that I can still do more, and because I feel that way, I will continue on. I can do much more. But in that kind of area, I think more severely than other people do. If I think I don’t wish to do it anymore, I will quit, and if it becomes boring, I will quit.

-I: Therefore you will continue FAKE?

K: The last thing I want to become is a senile and washed-up musician. I will never become someone who acts arrogant because he is a musician or someone who is only left with his pride. That is why it is better to go to the next step. So, I think more deeply about my life than most people would expect. It is just that the way I live that life feels rather giddy*. (*exact word KEN used was hurahura~)

-I: Giddy?* (*hurahura~?)

K: I go wherever my body takes me, but once I decide to go a certain way, I think very severely. So when Oburi disbanded, nothing much was to be lost if I were to stop there, I had fun during the four, five years, and I thought if I wanted to change my life this would be a good time. I thought maybe I had done enough music now. But while I was talking with INORAN, he said “I want to work with KEN” and I said “If it is with INORAN I want to do it, too.” Then we said “Should we?” “Should we really do it?” From that moment on, we have been running ever since. There also had been few worries, but far beyond that, I was happy. Moreover, while I was in FAKE? I found myself as a musician. I learned that there are things that only I can do, and I want to continue to let those things out. At last I have found it. But I will quit right away if I begin to have any doubts.

-I: You have no doubts now, right?

K: I have no doubts at all. There are so many more things I want to do with music.

Translation by torou

Very special thanks to Sweetbody

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